pay day datang lagi. yay!

shop till u drop. i did shop now i drop. today is tuesday already but still it lingers around my head, the last weekend spend.

it started on friday actually. cant seems to accept the pain that upsets me. so i went to a reflexylogy center have a foot massage that cost rm40 per 60 mins. my first time there. i couldnt enjoy it much cos my thought distracted by having a guy stranger massaging my foot till my knees. eeeiiii....my first n last visit there la. geli gelii...

my pocket got lighter on the second day as i went to buy my insurance policy. i tot my agent hasn't pay on behalf of me first so i went to pay it myself. there goes a few hundreds.

on sunday i went to buy facial care product, the whole set and some extra products, cost more than a quarter of my salary. there goes more hundreds.

and today, my agent said she advanced her money to pay the monthly insurans on behalf of me for 2 months and i need to repay her back. few hundres some more gone. fuhh fuhhh... gasp i need much fresher air than glade can helps.

girl just wanna have funds.

sakit bahu. tapi kali ni kronik dari biasa. it lasts for weeks. even today pun tak boleh nak kata 100% sembuh sebab eventhou bahu dah tak sakit, dada n belakang pulak effected. tak boleh nak gerakkan bahu kanan. nak kepit handphone between head n right shoulder lagila tak boleh. dah minta atuk urutkan.
semalam masa perasan takleh kepit telefon, rasa rindu sangat nak gesel2kan kepala kat bahu kanan. benda simple macam tu pun tak boleh nak buat. selama ni boleh buat takde rasa macam best pun. tapi bila nikmat kesejahteraan dan kesihatan tu diambil sedikit, terus resah gelisah. takpe la. mulai hari ni kena redha benda tu jadi antara benda yang out of my ability to do.

kat ofis ni aku dah tukar tempat. dari duduk meja besar kat entrance ofis, masuk ke admin office. biasa aircon kat sebelah aku je n mmg aku sorang je pun yang handle air con side aku, bilik yang ni kena share dgn another colleague. disebabkan air con tu mengadap dia, kesian pula aku nak minta dia on kan selalu. tapi sebetulnya iye, tempat aku lambat rasa sejuk sebab jauh sket.

ofis aku masuk tv several nites ago. not inside my office but the back of the office, outside. nothing to proud of. sebabnya masuk tv sebab kes snatch theft. kesian dekat that lady. mujur tak cedera ke apa2. only lost her handbag. aku pun macam dah cuak juga. harap2 aku selamat. masa ni la tetiba rasa nak setuju amik kelas tae kwan do. dulu masa colleague ajak masuk rasa tanak pulak sebab nak simpan duit buat mission tahun depan ^_^
tapi bila dah jadi cam gini terus rasa macam i need to do something for my own sake. tapi..right side badan aku sakit. nak try rock climbing pun tak berani skang ni.

ok..now i'm worried. patut ke aku jumpa specialist?

it's been awhile since my last post here. to tell the truth it's not that I'm so tied up with the off line life. just feel like to breath a fresh air. end up..i know i can't run away from reality.

I've been flying like a bird not to reach the ground and feel its dust. so afraid to turn back to see the devastation that happened that i thought not the way that i wanted it to be.

it's not I'm complaining about my life now but what I'm trying to say is I'm some kind of jealous when i saw others' picture of life when i thought they might happier in their life before they got to know me.

why we always see the flaw in others but not in ourselves? i always feel that i'm not good enough, smart enough or pretty enough in so many ways.that's what is written to my zodiac. I'm cancerian.

Life is still goes on. i'm not excited to see tomorrow. not that i don't want to. talking from experience, potential to have a good day happens everyday. it's up to us to smile or to frown.

i want to be the best. at least appear as one. if not for myself, at least for the loved ones. as for the record, i will keep smiling.